Finding Freedom Through Forgiveness

Forgiveness—it’s something we’re all told to do, but how many of us truly understand what it means? For those holding a grudge, feeling the weight of unresolved pain, or searching for peace after betrayal, forgiveness might sound like an impossible task. But as Lysa TerKeurst shares in her book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, forgiveness isn’t about forgetting what happened—it’s about freeing yourself from the power of the hurt.

Whether you’re grappling with resentment, or you’re yearning to reclaim your life from bitterness, here’s a closer look at some of the key lessons from her book about what forgiveness really means and how it can lead to healing.

What Forgiveness Isn’t

For many of us, forgiveness gets tangled up with myths that make it seem unattainable. TerKeurst firmly reminds readers that forgiveness is not about pretending the offense didn’t happen. It’s not about excusing someone’s harmful actions or erasing the pain they caused.

And forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation is required. One of the profound insights from TerKeurst’s work is this truth—sometimes forgiving someone doesn’t mean you resume the relationship. Boundaries can coexist with forgiveness, and they often need to.

Forgiveness, at its core, is a decision to sever the link between you and the bitterness that’s poisoning your life.

Why Forgiveness Matters

It might be tempting to hold on to anger—after all, doesn't it feel like a form of justice? But as TerKeurst explains, refusing to forgive doesn’t punish the wrongdoer, it only punishes you.

Bitterness settles into your heart, stealing your joy and trapping you in emotional torment. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a gift to yourself—a release that allows you to move forward. TerKeurst beautifully writes, “Forgiveness is God’s greatest invitation to peace.”

When you forgive, you acknowledge the hurt, but you refuse to carry its burden any longer. You reclaim your emotional and mental space for things that bring you peace and healing.

Steps Toward Forgiving the Unforgivable

While the concept sounds liberating, the path to forgiveness isn’t always straightforward. TerKeurst offers practical, compassionate guidance on how to begin the process—even when it feels impossible.

1. Acknowledge the Hurt

Start by confronting your pain. Be honest with yourself about what happened and how it affected you. Avoid suppressing or dismissing your emotions—they are valid and need to be understood before healing can begin.

2. Separate the Person from Their Actions

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to approve of someone’s actions, but it does mean recognizing their humanity. People are complicated, and understanding this can help you release the grip of resentment.

3. Lean on Faith

If you’re a person of faith, TerKeurst suggests trusting God to help you work toward forgiveness. Oftentimes, our human strength falls short, but leaning into spiritual strength can empower us to go where we cannot on our own.

4. Understand That Forgiveness is a Process

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event. It’s a series of choices you make daily. There might be moments where feelings of hurt resurface, but choosing to forgive again is a step toward ultimate freedom.

5. Set Boundaries if Needed

Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior. If the person who hurt you hasn’t changed or continues to act in harmful ways, establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself while still letting go of resentment.

6. Rewrite What Happened in Your Heart

TerKeurst emphasizes that forgiveness is rewriting the story of how the pain defines you. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim of someone else’s cruelty, you see yourself as someone who chose healing over bitterness, growth over staying stuck.

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget

Forgiveness doesn’t erase the inexcusable, nor does it magically heal all wounds. But it does open the door to something even more powerful—freedom. As Lysa TerKeurst writes, “Your heart is much too beautiful a place for unhealed pain.”

If you’re ready to release the all-consuming power of bitterness and step into peace, take a page from Forgiving What You Can’t Forget. Forgiveness isn’t easy, and it may take time, but it will always be worth it.

It’s not about forgetting—it’s about finding freedom.